Before the pandemic, my husband Heath and I lived in a whirlwind of work, parenting, and barely any downtime. Heath was a police officer working 12-hour shifts, and I was a CT/X-ray tech at a local ER, also on 12-hour shifts. Our two kids at the time, and the baby we were expecting, were our world, but between our schedules, we barely got to see each other. We were both working opposite days to make sure someone was always home to take care of the kids and get them to their activities. We were exhausted, disconnected, and it felt like we were surviving, not living.
We often joked that we were like ships passing in the night. Every time one of us took a day off, there was this pressure to make it perfect, to do something fun, exciting, or memorable as a family. But the truth was, there was no real downtime for us to just be together. Even the days we spent together often felt rushed or over-scheduled, leaving us drained and disconnected from each other.
And to make matters more complicated, the other parents at our kids’ school started to assume we were divorced. We took turns working the weekend shifts, so when there was a school event or a sports game, I’d often say, “Let me check with Heath, that’s his weekend with the kids.” The thought that others could believe we were co-parenting felt like a blow, but it also made us realize how much we were missing.
The COVID Experience: Frontline Life, But Not Family Life
While many families were dealing with the challenges of financial uncertainty during the pandemic, our situation looked different. As frontline workers—Heath as a police officer and me in the ER—our financial stability wasn’t as much of a concern, but we paid the price in other ways. We were both so busy that we couldn’t experience the time at home with our kids that many others did. Our kids had to navigate online school on their own, and we were stretched thin between work and parenting.
The constant pressure of working long shifts while trying to be present for our children was mentally and physically exhausting. We were living in a haze of non-stop work and missed opportunities. We loved our kids deeply, but it felt like something needed to give.
A Turning Point: Heath’s Decision to Change
The tipping point came when Heath realized he couldn’t keep going at this pace. The pandemic had already shifted so much about policing, with fewer interactions with the public and little opportunity for training or team-building with fellow officers. The 12-hour shifts were starting to feel endless, and Heath knew he had to make a change.
He decided to step out of his comfort zone and pursue a new venture. He purchased some equipment and started a construction and land-clearing business. It was a big leap, but it gave him the flexibility he needed to be home more often and start taking control of his life. As his business grew, however, so did the chaos of managing kids, school, and sports. It wasn’t long before we were once again juggling too much.
Making My Move: Transitioning to PRN
At this point, work was beginning to drive me crazy as well. My phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with text messages asking me to pick up additional shifts, even on my days off. It felt like I never had a moment to breathe, and I was constantly being pulled in a hundred directions. After much thought, I made the decision to go PRN (as needed) so that I could help Heath with his growing business. I needed a change just as much as he did.
The business didn’t work out long-term, but it led Heath to a new, fulfilling role as a construction project manager—one that he loves. And while I was working PRN, I decided to pursue my dream job as a professor of radiology at a local college. It was a leap for me, but it allowed me to leave the shift work grind behind and focus on something I was passionate about.
The Change We Needed: Flexibility and Family Time
Now, with both of us in flexible, fulfilling careers, we have the freedom to be present for our kids. We can attend their sports games, school events, and spend more time together as a family. We’ve gained the flexibility to be there for the small moments that we had missed out on—Sunday morning breakfasts, running errands together, and even just sitting next to each other at our kids’ extracurricular activities.
We’ve learned that it’s not about grand gestures or perfect days; it’s about being present in the small moments. The simple acts of being there for each other and for our kids have made all the difference. It’s not always easy, but the sacrifices we made to change our lifestyle have been worth it.
A Word of Advice: Prioritize Your Family
If you’re in a job that’s draining you and your relationships are suffering as a result, I urge you to step back and take a hard look at your life. Ask yourself: Are there changes you can make to prioritize your family?
- Can you cut back your expenses enough to go part-time? Sometimes, less money is worth it if it means more time with the ones you love.
- Can you find a job closer to home? Cutting out a long commute can give you hours of time back each week.
- Is there an opportunity to work at your kids’ school? That might give you a schedule that aligns with theirs, so you don’t miss out on those precious moments.
Making changes won’t always be easy, but it’s possible—and it’s worth it. Prioritizing your family’s well-being and your own happiness can lead to a more fulfilling life, one that’s built on balance, connection, and the little moments that make it all worthwhile.
We’re far from perfect, and life still throws us curveballs. But by stepping away from the grind and finding work that allows us to be present for our family, we’ve finally found the balance we were desperately searching for. If you’re stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and disconnectedness, know that change is possible. Take the first step—it could be the most life-changing decision you make.
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